Last Thoughts
by SiriusFan13
Summary: Taken from the BEYOND THE VEIL chapter of ORDER OF THE PHOENIX. This is Sirius' point of view of the incidents, and the thoughts running through his mind as he slips through the veil. SPOILERS!


_Disclaimer: Of course I do not own Harry Potter or anything relating to him. That is the work of the talented J. K. Rowling, in whose wonderful world, I like to set up my playground._

**Last Thoughts**  
  
"Is that the best you can do?" Sirius Black yelled to his cousin, Bellatrix. The battle in the Ministry had been raging all around them, but they'd been fighting their own private battle for some time now. And as much as Sirius liked to think that he was only fighting for the safety of his godson, he knew that this was an old fight that he and Bella needed to end.  
  
Then suddenly, it did end. A second jet of light and energy shot from Bella's wand and hit Sirius straight in the chest. It was only a stunning spell. She hadn't even bothered with the killing curse. Sirius couldn't understand why. Until he saw the archway and realized that he was about to fall though.  
  
It seemed to take him forever to fall. He heard Harry yell something, and he thought he heard Remus, but he couldn't be sure.  
  
They say that your life flashes before your eyes in that moment before you die. It's true. As the archway slipped into his vision, and the eerie black veil began to obscure his view, thoughts and images began flashing into his mind.  
  
_Entering Hogwarts, frightened of what this place would be like.  
  
Afraid that he'd be sorted into Slytherin like the rest of his family.  
  
Trying to act cocky to cover the fear.  
  
Fighting Bellatrix, Narcissa and the rest of his family whenever possible.  
  
Getting detention for it several times.  
  
James, Remus, Peter and himself meeting for the first time during detention.  
  
James hexing Snape when he began picking on Peter.  
  
Creating the Marauder's Map.  
  
Running away from home.  
  
Summer at James' house.  
  
James' wedding.  
  
Regulus' death.  
  
Harry's birth.  
  
Being named godfather of Harry James Potter.  
  
Switching secret keepers.  
  
Dead bodies and a destroyed house at Godric's Hollow.  
  
The empty feeling when he'd realized he'd been betrayed, and that he'd thought it would be Remus of all people.  
  
Azkaban.  
  
The first moment when he could see in Harry's eyes that his godson trusted him.  
  
Seeing Harry grow up, even if only for a few short years.  
  
Grimmauld Place and the mixed feelings he felt there: Joy over Harry being with him, and horror over having to stay there himself.  
  
Terror that Harry would die at the Ministry.  
  
Facing Bellatrix one last time.  
  
Falling... and watching a black veil come over his face.  
_  
"Sirius!"  
  
The last thing he heard was his godson screaming his name. The last thing he saw was Remus pull Harry away from the dais. Then the veil muffled everything.  
  
His entire life had flashed through his mind. It wasn't much. Wasn't even worth much by some standards.  
  
And he asked himself, as blackness surrounded him, and he felt himself fade to nothing, _Was it worth it?  
_  
Sirius was standing, bathed in white light, bright enough to blind him. "Was my life even worth it?" he whispered.  
  
He didn't know how to answer that.  
  
A familiar voice replied, "It was to me."  
  
Sirius turned slowly, silent and stunned. A man stood behind him. Messy black hair, glasses, hazel eyes. He was smiling.  
  
Sirius hadn't expected the smile. He'd expected Prongs to hate him.  
  
"Hello, Padfoot," Prongs said softly.  
  
"James..."  
  
The man's smile broadened, but it was a bit sad. "How can you ask if you life was worth it, Padfoot?"  
  
Sirius stared at him, knowing that he had to be dreaming. "Every choice I made ended in death," he said harshly.  
  
"We're defined by the choices we make, Sirius, not by their consequences. And your choices were worth it. Your _life_ was worth it."  
  
"But I killed you..."  
  
There. He'd said it. He waited for the blow. The acknowledgement.  
  
It didn't come.  
  
Just sad eyes. "No, Padfoot. You tried to protect me. You protected my son."  
  
"And now I've left him alone again," Sirius said bitterly.  
  
"To make his own choices," James replied gently. "And you're free, as you should have always been."  
  
"I'm so sorry. Please forgive me," Sirius whispered.  
  
"There's nothing to forgive."  
  
The words that Sirius had waited almost half his life to hear. The words that he'd never believed he would deserve. Death had freed his body. These words freed his soul.  
  
"Prongs..."  
  
The tears Sirius had been holding back finally fell as the two men hugged for the first time in fifteen years. And the pain began to wash away, taking with it the haggard prisoner, leaving behind only a handsome man with hope in his eyes once more.  
  
This wasn't the end of anything. It was a new beginning.  
  
And he was free. 

_Author's Note: Please leave feedback! Thank you!_


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